Great non veg jokes

Let me know if you did not laugh at all...

v      A man teases his ex-wife's new husband: So, dude how was the second-hand stuff?
      New husband: Not bad. After the first 3 inches, she was brand new.

v      Failure is not when ur girlfriend leaves you... It's only when u leave her a virgin.

v      A hilarious spelling mistake behind a truck, saying: Put deeper at night!

v      Similarity between a dick & matchstick?
      Both have heads without brains, both flare up at slightiest friction, both fizzle out after showing valour for 2secs!!!

v      What do politicians & porn stars have in common?
      They are experts in switching positions in front of a camera!

 

v      Tension is when wife is pregnant!
      Terror: When girlfriend is pregnant!
      Horror: When both r pregnant!
     Tragedy: When U r Not responsible 4 both!

v      Define contraceptive pill?
      It's the second best thing that a women can keep in her mouth to avoid pregnancy.

v    The Blue Whale ejaculates over 40 gallons of Sperm when Mating. Only 10% enters the female.

      And you always wondered why the sea tasted Salty?!

v    Why is it that a girl looks down when u say I love u?
    To see if you really mean it!

v    70 ways to make a woman happy: No. 1 is shopping & the rest is '69'

v    Why is sex similar to shaving?
    Well, because no matter how well u do it today, tomorrow u have  to do it again.

v    Wives are funny creatures. They don't have sex with their husbands for weeks and then they want to kill the woman who does.

v    Wife: My hubby & I have, what he calls olympic sex

      Friend: Wow, must be a terrific sex life?
    Wife: Not really. It only happens once in 4 Years.

v    The stock markets now are like an old man's dick?
    Just refusing to rise, and the irony is that everyone is still getting fucked!

v    The saddest part of a Man's body is his Balls. The Lord Almighty sentenced them to : Hang Till Death !

v    Why are condoms transparent?
    So that sperms can atleast enjoy the scene, even if their entry is restricted...!

v    What is common between a girl's legs n Amul butter?
    Both are delicious when spread.

v    What is a husband's idea of foreplay?
    Half an hour of begging.

v    A loud scream comes from the bedroom and the husband runs in. He sees a guy leaping out of the window.
    Wife yells: That guy just screwed me twice!
    Husband: Twice? Why didn't you call me in after he screwed you once?
    Wife: Because I thought it was you, until he started the second time.

v      What is the difference between a chicken and a baby?
      Chicken is the result of a sitting hen while the baby is the result of standing cock.

v    If a bomb bursts in a bra, what would you get?
    Tit-Bits.
   And if it bursts in a man's underwear?
   Banana split.

v    What's the diff between a bomb n a condom?
     In a bomb blast population decreases & if a condom blasts population increases.

v    Name the 5 great kings that have brought happiness in peoples lives?

    DrinKING,
    LicKING,
    SucKING,
    FucKING,
    WinKING !

v      Great door signs:

       Gynecologist: Dr Jones at your cervix.
       Septic tank truck: Yesterday's meals on wheels.
       Plumber's office: We repair what ur husband fixed.
       Tire shop: Invite us to ur next blowout.
       Electrical shop: Let us remove ur shorts.
       Maternity room: Push, Push, Push.

v    This week is Breast Awareness Week

                Spread the slogan

       "We stare because we care!"

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